Why? A Retrospective

Nearly Setting My Kitchen On Fire Is Bad
So I've been kinda stressed lately. I have been traveling down to Southern California for work and am now back for my "weekend" which isn't really since I am still working. Anyway, I got home last night and was happy to be here. I made scrambled eggs with garlic olive oil and took them in the bedroom to watch Survivor. Next thing I know the smoke alarm goes off. I don't worry, it does that a lot since there is no ventilation in the kitchen and any cooking on the cooktop with oil sets it off. It was annoying and scared the cat. I took it off the wall but I couldn't get it open to remove the battery so I went to put it outside on the back porch. Then I saw the flames.

It seems that I was so burned out when I got home that I forgot to turn off the gas after I got my eggs. It ignited the
remaining olive oil. I have no fire extinguisher but fortunatly was awake long enough in science class to know not to throw water on a grease fire. I turned off the gas, got the flour out of the cabinet, moved the pan off the burner and
tossed flour on it. This took a few tosses. I then took the pan, that still had some flames on the rim, over to the sink and doused the rim that was still burning. Back to the stove and threw more flour on it as well. The spatula melted. I only found half of it in the carnage. There is goopy flour everywhere that I have to clean up. The stove is kinda black in places but that appears to be soot that will come off.

Whee. Shaping up to be a great week.

Current Mood: scared
Current Music: Burning Down The House

Attack of the bunnies from HELLLLLLLLL
This is what is hopping into our neighborhood for Easter... http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/detail.aspx?ID=914&CategoryID=377 If memory serves, they are delivering Red Fire Bunny, Naga Bunny, and Black Pearl Bunny. Hmmmm, that last one sounds like a vibrator.

FEAR THE BUNNY!! WORSHIP THE BUNNY!! Well after all, I am the Bunny Queen (currently retired)

Getting ready to leave
This is my weekend. Spent 6 hours trying to get camping reservations at various places for vacation. Yosemite sucks, Sequoia sucks, phone busy, internet sucks, can't get through, finally booked Big Sur. Need to move files to disks, move file boxes from the garage into the car, move crates of costumes to car, move PC equipment to the car. All this REC stuff is getting out of my house and back to REC.

The persian cat has camping out on my porch all day. Fortunatly Chauncy didn't want to go out. He gets so put out when MeShoo is out there. I just feel so run down and trapped in the house until the UPS guy shows up.

Current Mood: frustrated

My Cat the Gay, Butch, Wussy
My cat Chauncy is going to be 17 this year. In his younger days, he weighed in at 18 pounds. He is now more like 10. Still large but more skin. My friends have expended a great deal of energy having me come to terms with the fact that he is gay. He seems to prefer the company of certain male cats.

There was Bob who died of kitty AIDS. Now there is Boo, the butch cat next door.

Well MeeShu (the cat I had thought was lost before) is a pushy ass cat that now hangs on my porch. Chauncy wanted to go outside but meeShu had his persian ass all over the place. I cracked the door open, MeeShu tried to get in and the noises that came out of Chauncy. He growled, he spit, he hissed, he sounded like.... well, like a butch instead of the wussy that he is.

I closed the door and he ran bck to the bedroom, to reclaim his place on the bed and pretend the whole thing didn't happen.

Current Mood: amused

Where Are The Belles?
Ruthie, my cell phone is fuckin up and I haven't heard from Cate at all and am starting to freak about the PR gig tomorrow. I've sent e-mails and have heard nothing. She hasn't confirmed for tomorrow, she hasn't confirmed she received the coupons, nada. What is going on?

Reality TV Junkie
I admit it. I watch Survivor like it was my new religion. I also watch The Amazing Race (GO ROMBER!) and The Apprentice (you have to see The Donald and his almost ethereal hair. It lulls you into a false sense of security).

Survivor: This show has really picked up over some previous seasons. I worship all things Tom http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor10/survivors/bio/tom.shtml because Tom is a God. He is a Firefighter hottie who is older and built of steel. I cheer his team each week (although I do have a place in my heart for Angie. She reminds me of Aurora with tattoos).

Amazing Race: much better season. glad to be rid of the disfunctional Victoria and her porn producing husband Asshat. There are many worthy people to root for though I have a soft spot for Rob & Amber (Romber) of survivor fame.

The Apprentice: The Donald and moron people. Enough said. Book smarts vs. streets smarts this year. Seems to shape up better than last season which I really couldn't stand. There will never be as cool a winner as Season One's "boyfriend Bill".

My best pal Kat and her husband John are TV writers. Their new show "Life on a Stick" is coming on Wednesdays after American Idol. I've seen 2 episodes and its hella funny. If you like "That 70's Show", its like that only better.

OK, my lunch time is over. Going to make some calls. Hmmmmm Friday....only thing on is Battlestar. Still a good remake. Shit, I sooooooooooooooooo need a cube farm job with a 401k and stock options again!

Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Video Killed The Radio Star

OddTodd has eaten my brain.
This is my life... http://www.oddtodd.com even down to the not showering for 6 days or staring at a wall. This guy knows my life and now I can't stop downloading these cartoons. Deirdre Clyde must die for forcing me to stare and laugh at my own shortcomings.

On other news, flu is getting better, REC work is eating me alive, up to my ass in alligators and none of them are pets. Will be going South next Thursday. I'm sure things will pick up even more by then. Starting to drink earlier.

Survivor is on tonight so that is one good thing. Will try not to think about how I can be sick and not lose weight. Just got the dough to finish paying my taxes. Where is the wine?

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: meh

A bit Better
Things are a bit better. Doing some REC work on the PC and then taking a nap. Ruthie came by Thursday night or was it Friday night (I can't remember anymore) with aloe kleenix so i could stop blowing my nose on my shirt and some drugs.

The next day there was the poo incident. It seems the cat had some poo that wouldn't let go and i didn't see it. He jumped on the bed and "gee what is that? mud? NO! IT'S POOOOOOO!" So I had to strip the bed, change the sheets, clean the cat and crawl back in bed.

Sunday I had to wash the poo sheets so that meant getting dressed and going to the laundrymat. Fortunatly my fever had broke so I was better though not 100%

So now I am weak, have to wash my hair something awful, have to do REC work and pick up flyers and get food. Hey, I wonder if safeway still delivers?

blech
Well yesterday was a big slide towards ickyness. I went to bed at 6pm, woke up at 10, went back to sleep, woke up at 2, watched Survivor, went back to sleep, woke up at 7. I feel a bit better but need some more medicine and its raining. I really hate having to go to the store when I'm sick and its cold and wet out. A house servant would really help here.

My voice has passed sultry, passed croak and ventered into "I am losing my voicebox to cancer" realm. I just don't talk.

Current Mood: sick

Home Improvement
OK I use to have this piece of shit, rotten, falling down back porch. Then along came Phil and Pax and they tore down the rotten mess and built a brand new, kick ass back patio deck. I have a HUGE metal shed that takes over more than half my small backyard. The pieces of rotten old deck are stacked behind the shed and to the side making it one big rotting rat condo. BUT once it is all gone, I can take down the big shed, leaving a hand poured ugly ass cement pad but at least that way there will be more room for a BBQ and chairs and there is power out there for lights and music and naked orgies. Anyway...

So now I have all this crap and I'm too poor to hire anyone to haul it off. Phil suggested cutting it up into pieces, putting it in bags and putting it in the trash. So that will only take 4-5 months. For the past 6 months, I sit around feeling sorry for myself, not showering, watching Jerry Springer Transvestite Child Prostitues fight and putting it off and its raining and raining and I have no saw horses.

You see I have a power saw but I had nothing to prop the wood on. Then today it hit me! I had these two wood benches, left by the previous owner and I could use THEM as saw horses. So during lunch, I set up the saw horses, got a piece of wood, got the saw, the saw had a spider living on it. ummmmm, I don't know where the directions are. Can't remember how to operate the saw. Phone was ringing so the stuff is still out there (with the spider).

I am a moron.

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Itsy Bitsy Spider

REC TV COMMERCIAL!!
The new REC TV Spot (30 second and 1 minute) is finished and it is AMAZING!!! I saw the 30 sec in Colorado but hadn't seen the 1 minute. My Guild (and myself) made the longer cut. There is Jenny spinning in her MoM outfit. There is Cassie and The Bunnies, Cassie on Front Gate, German flag twirlers, TONS of Malfoy, Broon, Moonie, The Well, some shots of Queen Show, Steve Leon and Maurice, Suhalia, GayLinn & David Wine at the Joust with the rings, Lisa Stehl in Troll make-up, The Boggards (with Stork looking like Cousin It), Danse Macabre, Steve Jones, and Queens Guard eating lunch. In the 1 minute there are also shots from Bristol in their as well such as their Robin Hood scenario, Mary Kababik (their Queen), some vendors, some cute wenches. The music is great. This is the footage that Pete Levells son Brian shot last Southern. Brian goes to USC Film School. Can't wait for you all to see it! It rocks!

Current Mood: jubilant

My fun trip to the Lady Doctor
OK, it was time for my yearly trip to the "Lady Doctor". I mean she does happen to be a lady doctor but you know what I mean... A Cooter Doctor.... NOT a turtle doctor. Nevermind - figure it out. My doctor has a new office. Looks like she invested in the finer things like pink paper robes that are pointless. Would rather just sit there naked but I might scare the children.

I sit there for 20 minutes reading PEOPLE magazine. I'm glad she got the trash rags in the office to read and not just baby mags and parenting mags and other materials that give me hives. Finally she comes in and we chat. I ask for the Seasonal pills because I am an advertising whore and only having 4 periods a year sounds good. The heart attack, stroke, blood clots, severe bleeding side effects seem no different to those of any birth control pill and I don't smoke. I know, good way to rationalize heart disease.

Wow, she put a poster of the Asian Museum on the ceiling. How considerate to give you something to look at. I told her that I gave great thought to putting on some glitter after I showered to kinda make things more festive for her. She told me that Chinese New Year had just passed so it might have been nice.

Looks like everything is where it should be and I promise to make an appointment to smash my tits between two metal plates after Southern closes. Gee, what fun us girls get to have!

On another topic, I just discovered Trader Joes Scallops wrapped in Bacon! mmmmmmmmmm bacon...........

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: I Spent my Last $10 on Birth Control & Beer

Lunch
Mmmmmmmmmm, brie and duck sandwiches on crusty sourdough bread. Yesterday is was grilled eggplant marinated in truffle infused olive oil, garlic & lemon juice with grilled onions, grilled red bell peppers and fresh avacado on crusty sourdough bread with sweet Coppola mustard.

Well its eating and ordering merchandise for REC and making coupons and setting up "outreach opportunities" and answering e-mail and wondering where all the crystal geyser water with lime went to. bugger.

Current Mood: hungry

Pervert Perfume
http://www.laparfumerie.com/page_product.asp?pf_id=FR2690M&idx=M2397V6AWVQB9GREG51CFQNURADF3K1E

OK, this is the Official cologne of NAMBLA or it should be. The Mom that thought of this name and product description should be shot and then trampled by boars. Stupid bitch can't even spell "divine". This product was displayed on Michael Jacksons night table in the crime photos. Or they do in my world.

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Tonights The Night

The rain went away
Its so beautiful today. The sky is sooo blue, the sun is out and there in not a cloud in the sky. Its lovely. The lost cat that I found a few days ago (that wasn't as lost as all that) came into my house bold as brass to eat my cats food. I put him outside.

Now the Faire is back to opening on the 16th of April again but we are still closing on the 22nd so its a 6 week Faire this year which makes me do the Happy Hamster Hop of joy!

Check out www.woodhousechocolate.com for some ROCKIN chocolates!

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: El Paso

STORM!!
DAMN! Thunder, lightning, hail, floods of water, the cat is freaking out, my TiVo is down and I'm all bloated after cooking brined marinated duck with wilted greens in shallots and fig balsamic. The cat has retreated to his bear bed. Sounds like a plan.

Current Mood: scared

Ho Hum
The sun can't decide whether to come out of not. The persian cat from next door (that I had thought was lost last week) just walked in to the house, bold as brass to eat my cats food. Reminds me of some people I know.

Presidents Day today which just means some people have the day off (government employees), some people dont and the rest of us are unemployed (welcome to the Bay Area, the new home of the marginal but not yet homeless poor). All this means is that there are sales at the mall but since I have no money, I can't buy anything anyway.

Wish I had some crusty sourdough bread but that would involve getting in the car, driving to Trader Joes, scraping change from under the seat and I'm sooo not willing to deal with the humiliation.

Current Mood: bored

Napa Valley
Just got back from Napa with the fabulous D and Bob. The conversation was stellar, hilarious and in the realm of "you had to be there" having to do with the Boggards, angry ranting monkeys, your inner "tard", and other things too weird to remember and comment on.

I am a member of the Coppola Wine club so we stopped there first and tasted Rubicon for free in the special tasting room (just for us special people) where we have our own wine guy and bread and cheese and don't have to fight the crowds elbowing for room on the main counters.

Then we stopped at Grgich Hills for some great wine (after our own counter pushing) and had to listen to some pretentious nutsack going on and on about his wine. They make the best dessert wine called "Violetta" which is also perfect for Deirdre Clyde since her alternate identify is Violet Jones.

Next was V. Sattui for more elbowing to drink TWICE the amount of wine with our Wine Goddess Elizabeth. We opted out of the picnic thing (it was overcast and threatening rain anyhow) and headed into town (St. Helena) for a sit down. As we are walking out to the car the same nutsack from Grgich is there have a picnic. God, he's going to think we are stalking him.

Had a nice lunch in a nice place but had to sit next to lesbians who spent the entire time glaring at us. Actually I think it was glaring at Bob because he has a penis and they don't. Except in their drawer.

Went to a posh chocolate shop were Deirdre Clyde and I sampled exotic tasty bits that had passion fruit or pepper or ginger or bananas foster as tastes.

One more stop at BV before heading out. Mid way I starting only taking one small sip and pouring the rest of my tastes to Bob and D (since I am the driver). It was a fun day ending with trying to smash batteries into the back of a stuffed Mouse. Don't ask.

Current Mood: chipper

What the F?
OK, I'm still trying to figure this thing out. Sooooo, I've been tied to this thing for a few hours now, contemplating why people are so shitty, why I do what I'm suppose to and always get screwed. Too many things to do now.

Let's see..... Faire is opening a week early, already am starting 3 weeks behind and in a hole, my cat may croak any second, I have a half naked door, have only eaten veggies for 3 days and want to kill something. I was going to make duck but its not de-thawed yet.

Do you know that if you line up the people that piss you off, it's usually longer than the people that don't at any given time. Did you write a list of the people you were going to kill when you were in High School? I found my list going through the garage yesterday. Ummmmmmm, half these people..... I don't remember who they are or what they did to merit execution. I guess there is a lesson in here somewhere.

Current Mood: grumpy

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